Posts by Lady Lee

82

Prevalence of JW Suicides - Real or Imagined?

by AMNESIAN in

jw
friends

in one or two recent threads i've seen reference to the possibility of a rising number of jw suicides being another of the organization's very dark realities about which it is vigilant in keeping concealed from its pub populace.

is there anyone reasonably informed regarding this?

is there reason to suppose the incidence ratio among jws is any higher than among any peoples/religion?

Lady Lee

I have quite a bit of experience with this both personally and as a professional.

15 years ago I was suicidal. I was in an abusvie marriage with an elder and doing a great job of pretending that everything was wonderful and that we were the perfect JW family. Secrecy and lies to hide all the pain inside. And when I went for help I was reproved as looking to the world. I think what they didn't want - well actually was told to never admit I was a JW to my counselor = more lies and secrecy to protect the borg instead of helping people

When a sister in the congregation was dying of cancer I was at her home every day to help her family. My husband told me that my time would be better spent going from door-to-door instead of wating my time with a dying person. My conscience would not let me abandon her and her family and I was reproved for this.

After she died (with me holding her hand) I was told that as an elder's wife I was putting myself above others and should be more submissive to the elders and go door-to-door.

I left shortly after this.

I also had a dear friend who died in a drowning "accident" Strange thing was that she was absolutely terrified of water - took them a half hour to baptize her because of her fear. The idea of her going into the ocean for a swim was ludicrous but that was the offered for her drowning.

Also know of a young man who committed suicide after he was labeled "weak"

As a professional who has counselled many abuse survivors and some ex-JWs I would say that most definitely there is a myth of JWs being the happiest people on earth. As a few have very eloquently stated there are abundant reasons for feeling like you don't measure up.

JWs are taught that no matter what the Borg teaches unquestioning acceptance is mandatory. There is a constant fear of being seen doing something that one should not do. Or of not doing enough. or saying the wrong thing. To the wrong person.

The mindset of the Borg is abusive and results in post-traumatic stress disorder for all members. And just like any member of any abusive family - the members usually blame themselves for problems and rarely look to the parent/org as the problem. Anyone caught in this type of mind-trap will become depressed - but few will recognize it due to the mind-control techniques used on them.

62

Canadians

by Defender in

jw
friends

i see that a lot of posters and possibly lurkers are from canada.. can you please mention briefly what part of canada you're from.

maybe some of us can get together.. i'll start; i am in vancouver.

Lady Lee

I am in Winnipeg but have met ex-Borg when I was in Montreal and last year on a trip in southern Ont

200

How Many States / Countrys Are Represented Here?

by Big Jim in

jw
friends

i am from houston texas myself.

Lady Lee

Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

45

Organized religion, no religion, agnostic

by cnn77 in

jw
friends

i am new here trying to figure my way around...... i would appreciate it if you could say which of these fits you..... 1. still a jw.

2. if you dont agree with the jw doctrines any longer do you belong to another religious organization now?

3. are still religious and have no religious affiliation.

Lady Lee

I consider myself a spiritual person - probably moreso now than when I was in the Borg.
My spirituality is a process in the making. I have no idea where it will take me and how or in what ways it will develop. I refuse to label it other than the word spirituality.

I believe that I am most connected to my spiritual side when I am listening to my inner self and living in a manner that is in agreement with that inner self.

I have learned that I cannot accept the ideas/teachings/theology of others as absolute. I can only know for sure what is inside of me - and living up to that is struggle enough for me. So I prefer to ignore the counsel of others when it comes to my spiritual life

27

Part II of Survey! Please Respond Again.Thank's.

by Big Jim in

jw
friends

the first survey i asked how you were brought into the non-truth.

my next survey is along the same line, however what i would like to find out is on the average how many hours you spent in the field service and were you ever able to bring anyone into the non-truth via field service or via incidental witnessing.. and how long you were associated with the borg?.

thank you in advance for your input.

Lady Lee

11-12 -- 4 hrs week for 40 weeks = 160 hrs
16-33 -- 10 hrs week for 104 weeks = 8550 hrs
33 -- 2 hrs for 20 weeks = 40 hrs
occassional aux pioneer 20 weeks = 1600 hrs
TOTAL = 10350

Lordy what a waste of time and thankfully not one person joining the borg

4

Amazing What About Molesters vs Pubs?

by Pork Chop in

amazing, you've aroused my curiosity on this issue, numerically speaking that is.

i was just thinking about the number of publishers in the nine congregations i've been in versus the number of molesters.

for me it works out about 780 */- 10 publishes and two molesters.

Lady Lee

If anyone wants some info on sexual abuse check out my website. There are few articles there concerning the subject - not related to JWs - just in general

The poll that was taken is a rather crude tool - and not scientific - it is simply a count. What is surprising is that so many reported that they did know of molesters in the congregations - even I am surprised and I shouldn't be since I reported 7 in the poll. But consider too that the 7 reported span a period of over 30 years but only 2 congregations. Also although I was an elder's wife I did not get any of this info from him. He was rather tight-lipped about committee meetings. My knowledge comes from either personal experience or the victim's disclosing to me personal and one of the first cases I knew of was suspected by me 30 years ago and then it hit the papers about 15 years after they left our congregation.

Does it exist? - most definitely.
Do the elders know how to deal with it? Not at all.
Do the elders cover it up? Yes - in every one of the cases I reported.

205

HELLO? HELLO? "ALL" SIGN IN???????

by waiting in

simon did away with the sex forum - so i must take the tradional route and post under "make new friends.

" how mundane!.

fyi ---- for all of us, please take the time to write a sentence or two about yourselves, and encourage new ones to do the same.

Lady Lee

Thanks waiting. I went to school and studied counseling and had my own practice working with survivors of abuse. Once I dealt with the religous abuse I did a bit of counseling with ex-Witnesses. It has been difficult to re-establish myself here in an area where I know few of the resources but I hope to get back into it. Maybe even go back to school and do some research on the psycho/social impact of cultic life.

205

HELLO? HELLO? "ALL" SIGN IN???????

by waiting in

simon did away with the sex forum - so i must take the tradional route and post under "make new friends.

" how mundane!.

fyi ---- for all of us, please take the time to write a sentence or two about yourselves, and encourage new ones to do the same.

Lady Lee

Hello well where do I start?

I just turned 49. My moterh got involved with the borg when I was 11. I was baptised when I was 16 and married off to a newly baptised brother when I was 18 - my mother arranged it. After about 7 years he became an elder. We had two children and I hated my life. I hated the meetings and the hypocracy. I hated feeling like a failure and the pressure of being an elder's wife. I hated the emotional and sexual abuse he forced on me. After watching a dear friend die and being condemned by my husband for taking care of her instead of taking care of him and going on service I became very depressed and suicidal. Too scared to do anything I opted for the only other way out of an abusive marriage.

I have been divorced since 1985 and went back to school - college and then university. I had my own business until last year when I moved across country to be with a wonderful man who I will marry in 5 weeks.

Both my daughters from my JW marriage have left the JWs although their father is still one. So is my mother. She will not be coming to the wedding. She has always tried to get me out of her life (foster care and then marrying me off) - now she has a religious reason for turning her back on me - apostasy.

You can check out my web page for more info http://lee_hardiman.tripod.com/home.html

30

Now That I've Joined, I wish That I Hadn't

by TR in

jw
friends

any one here get that sinking feeling when you were an active jw?

i'm not talking about the point where we developed doubts about the borg, but just the shear weight of responsibility on your shoulders to uphold "god's kingdom" ala wts.. the topic of doing all you can was brought up frequently.

some would try to sooth by saying "as long as you're doing your best, jehovah will accept you.

Lady Lee

As an ex-elder's wife I can certainly attest to the "It's never enough Syndrome" We had to be exemplary at all times. The stress was unbelievable. It made me ill. Looking at the other elder's wives I realized they too were all ill. And with mostly stress related illnesses. Many of them were sick with odd or unheard of diseases - things I didn't even know existed - and I was a labelled a hypochondric - always had something wrong or had my nose in a mediacl book.

Most of the elders I knew too were sick and almost always with problems that were made worse by stress. As an elder's wife I knew an awful lot of people and it was the same in almost every cong I knew.

As the elder's family too there was incredible emphasis on being a good example - what we put the kids through was absurd - the expectations way too high. Their father was verbally, physically and emotionally abusive to them if they did not meet his expectations. it really was sad.

I got so depressed I thought the only way out was to die.

Since I'm still here you can see i found another option.

90

POLL - Elders vs Molesters

by Amazing in

i wish to conduct a legitimate poll, or at least as legitimate as it can get on this forum.

unless you are or were a jw, please do not respond or make comments.

please simply give an answer, without extended comments.

Lady Lee

I have know 7 JW perpetrators over a 33 year period